Genetically Altered Fruits and Hockey Fandom

Posted on May 21, 2015 By

You know who’s really interested in listening to you talk about your fantasy hockey team and how it finished? Your Grandmother. That’s it. And only if she lives by herself. And only if she lives by herself AND hasn’t had contact with anyone for over a week because her neighbour slash best friend, Mabel in the apartment across the hall, is currently mad at her because she recently remembered that the Bing Crosby LP she lent your Grandmother back in 1956 was never returned. If that’s the situation you find yourself in, then by all means, talk about your epic fantasy hockey finish. Otherwise…

Let’s get on to something much more important: My thoughts on genetically altered fruit.

There are some fruits that absolutely must be seedless. Like grapes, for example. Anytime I bite into a grape and it surprises me with that bitter seed taste, well, I get so mad that I want to start a fight with Dan Bylsma. So seedless grapes rule. No question about it.

Watermelons, on the other hand, I’m not so sure about. First off, there was nothing wrong with strong black seeds in the watermelons we ate as kids. After we smartened up and chose not to believe that prank our parents played on us by saying the seeds will sprout real watermelons in our belly if we swallow them, we had no problem digesting them.

But now? They say our watermelons are seedless, but then I always find seeds. Weak, white seeds that look like they have AIDS. I don’t know about you but I’m terrified of swallowing one and testing HIV positive because of it. So seedless watermelons suck. No question about it.

Which brings me to lemons. WHY HAVE THEY NOT CREATED SEEDLESS LEMONS??? I can’t begin to count how many times I’ve had to add the juice of a lemon to something and end up standing there with a teaspoon in my hand, fishing out the seeds which accidentally — ON PURPOSE, THEY KNOW WHAT THEY’RE DOING! –  fell in, like I’m some 1920′s  housewife whose husband is going to beat her if he finds a lemon seed in his tea.

So if anyone reading this has an invite to the Bilderberg Conference this year, please make seedless lemons happen. Thanks.

Which brings me to the topic of team fandom. Jeff Marek talked about this a few weeks back on theMarek vs. Wyshynski and it stuck a chord with me. Basically, at some point in my life I became a fan of the game more so than a fan of any specific team.

I grew up an LA Kings fan and cried like a little wuss when I was 14 and they lost to the Habs in the Finals.

Then February 27th, 1996 happened and Wayne Gretzky was traded to the Blues. And I began to drift away from being invested greatly in one team and started to not really care anymore about who wins or loses.

I still have a special place in my heart for the Kings but it’s nowhere close to the fandom displayed by most. The only time I really care about a result is if I have money on it. In fact, the last sporting event which I had any sort of emotional interest in (without gambling) was the 2001 NBA Finals. Why you ask? Because Allen Iverson was and always will be my favorite basketball player.

So a decade has passed since the last time I gave a damn. And longer than that if we’re talking about hockey. In the meantime, with Twitter and the internet, I get exposed to a huge number die-hard fans (even fair weather ones) who live and die with their teams. I’m kind of jealous because I can’t feel that rush.

Which brings me to the question: Are there many of us out there? Ones who love the sport but don’t necessarily care about who wins or loses? And if you are one of these people, what made you change from being a fan of a team to being just a fan of the game? I most curious to hear at what age that change occurred at.

That’s all for today. Hey, 3 posts in under a month! Not bad, huh?

Serious Thoughts


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